Late Night Pointen Mai 2008

David Letterman: “How about that John McCain? … I like John McCain. He looks like the kind of guy that walks into Circuit City and says, ‘Do you have typewriter ribbons?’”

Conan O’Brien: “Tomorrow night on Fox News, Hillary Clinton is going to be making her first ever appearance on Bill O’Reilly’s show, ‘The O’Reilly Factor.’ Yeah. Yeah, Hillary should do well, because she has years of experience yelling, ‘Shut up, Bill!’”

Jimmy Kimmel: “And [President Bush] wouldn’t come out and say there was a recession, but he did come out and say that he really doesn’t care that much anymore.”

Craig Ferguson: “Jenna Bush is getting married over the weekend. But she did not sign a prenup. Apparently, the family doesn’t believe in exit strategies.”

Conan O’Brien: Barack Obama was speaking to a Jewish group and he told them that his name Barack is the same as the Jewish word “Baruch,” which means “one who’s blessed.” That’s what he said, yeah, Obama had a harder time explaining his middle name, “Hussein.”

O’Brien: This week, Barack Obama — true story — campaigned on an Indian reservation and the tribal chief adopted him. Yeah, adopted him — part of the ceremony. Yeah, the Indians actually prefer Obama to John McCain because they still remember when McCain took their land.

Jay Leno: “Yesterday, an estimated 75,000 people attended a Barack Obama rally” on the banks of the Willamette River. And “if you believe the media, listen to this. After the rally, Barack Obama fed them all with five loaves of bread and two fish.”

Jay Leno: “McCain also said the war in Iraq will be over by the year 2013, which is also when I think Hillary is expected to pull out of the race.”

Jay Leno: “Well, according to his tax returns, President Bush has lost money during his presidency. I think I speak for all Americans when I say, ‘Hey! Join the club, pal!’”

Craig Ferguson: A new economic study coming out today shows that women have an easier time getting a job than men. All except Hillary Clinton.

Conan O’Brien: The other day a man in London dressed as Darth Vader assaulted two men dressed as Jedi knights. He got drunk and assaulted two men dressed as Jedi knights. He was sentenced to two months in jail and 10 more years living in his parents’ basement.

Conan O’Brien: In Wisconsin, a driver took a wrong turn and crashed into the bathroom at a Taco Bell. The Taco Bell’s owner is calling it the second worst bathroom accident that day.

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