Pointen März 2007

Conan O’Brien: “Today is the fourth anniversary of the war in Iraq. That’s right. Yeah, when asked about it, President Bush said, ‘See, and people said it would never last.’”

Conan O’Brien: “Hooters announced it’s opening up its first restaurant in the Holy Land. Yeah, after hearing this, Bill Clinton said, ‘As far as I’m concerned, Hooters is the Holy Land.’”

Conan O’Brien: “I don’t know if you know this, but while President Bush was in Mexico this week, he kept sprinkling Spanish words and phrases into all his speeches. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, at one point, Bush told the Mexicans that their country is ‘mucho Salma Hayek.’”

Conan O’Brien: “During a recent campaign speech, Barack Obama complemented his opponent, John Edwards, by calling him ‘kind of cute.’ Yeah. Yeah, and then he said that Hillary — then he said that Hillary Clinton has a really great personality.”

Conan O’Brien: “The California Legislature announced that they have moved their state president primary from June to February. That’s right. Yeah, when asked why, a California lawmaker said, ‘Because it’s really fun to hear Governor Schwarzenegger try to say ‘February.’”

Conan O’Brien: While in Mexico, President Bush visited the ruins of an ancient Mayan city. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, “We will get the evildoers who did this.”

Conan O’Brien: Yesterday, the Vatican announced plans to launch its first television network. Officials say the Vatican network will show Sunday masses, debates on Catholic dogma and “Seinfeld’’ reruns in Latin.

David Letterman: “James Cameron thinks that he found the tomb of Jesus Christ. To me, that’s very interesting. Who would have guessed that they’d find Jesus before bin Laden?”

Conan O’Brien: “A new poll finds that President Bush’s father, George Bush, is the most popular living ex-president. Isn’t that nice? Yeah. Apparently, voters were just excited to hear the words ‘George Bush’ next to the phrase ‘ex-president.’”

Conan O’Brien: “Speaking of Cuba, some politicians in Florida are trying to ban the use of the term ‘illegal alien,’ because they think it’s offensive. Yeah. The Florida officials say, ‘We prefer the term ‘good swimmer.’”

Conan O’Brien: The Pentagon is now saying that Vice President Cheney was not the target of a suicide bomber in Afghanistan. They said it was just a coincidence that Cheney happened to be there while they were trying to kill him.

Conan O’Brien: Ikea announced that they are going to start charging for plastic bags. If that’s not bad enough, you have to assemble the bag yourself. It comes in 20 different pieces.

Conan O’Brien: “Actress Angelina Jolie is in the news. Angelina Jolie is joining the prestigious Council on Foreign Relations. That’s right. In a related story, Kofi Annan will be playing the part of Lara Croft in ‘Tomb Raider 3.’”

Conan O’Brien: “U.S. Government — this is weird, but it’s true, apparently. The U.S. government has hired several psychics to help find Osama bin Laden. They’ve hired psychics to help find Osama bin Laden, yeah. So far, the psychics haven’t been able to locate bin Laden, but they do predict that soon, he’ll find true love.

Conan O’Brien: Senator Barack Obama was in Los Angeles last night for a huge campaign fund-raiser. That shows you what a great country this is — when an African-American with a Kansas mother and Kenyan father who spent time growing up in Indonesia can run for president in a state where the Spanish speaking people have just elected an Austrian governor. That’s America.

Conan O’Brien: How many of you folks are excited about the Academy Awards on Sunday? As you know, it’s a long show and, personally, I hate to miss even a second of it, so I’ll be wearing one of those astronaut diapers.

Conan O’Brien: Denmark and Lithuania have announced that they’re going to pull their troops out of Iraq. Apparently, Denmark and Lithuania are going to pull out on the same day so all four guys can carpool.

Conan O’Brien: Yesterday, President Bush gave a speech warning Americans about the threat from Iran. Afterward, the President admitted he took an old Iraq speech and replaced all the q’s with n’s.

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