Late Night Pointen August 2007

Jay Leno: “NASA now says that on two occasions, they let astronauts fly on their space missions while drunk. But now they’re cracking down. Like now, before they let them board, they have to close their eyes and touch their nose with a giant robotic arm.”Jay Leno: “It seems a little tiff…between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton has really heated up since their last argument at the Democratic debate. They have become distant. They barely speak to each other now. And when they do…it’s really icy. Or as Hillary calls that, marriage.”David Letterman: “But what a thrilling contest. Anybody see the finals? It was won by Iraqi soccer star Younes Mahmoud. You ought to see his wife, Posh Mahmoud.”David Letterman: “Happy Birthday to Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold Schwarzenegger, 60 years old today. And to celebrate, natives on Skull Island tossed him a blonde.”Jay Leno: Russia has started a territorial dispute with the United States by claiming that it owns the North Pole. President Bush was furious and said, “That’s ridiculous, everyone knows that the North Pole is owned by Santa.”Jay Leno: It was this week in 1974 that Richard Nixon resigned the presidency after getting caught lying and violating the constitution. Remember when that kind of thing used to get you kicked out of office! Thank God those days are gone.Jay Leno: A new study found that angry men get ahead in the world. I think it’s true. In fact, earlier this week, an angry man hit his 757th home run.Conan O’Brien: In a recent interview, President Bush’s father said he gets upset when people tell him that his son is doing a bad job. Bush’s dad went on to say, ‘‘You’d think after 60 years I’d be used to it.’’Conan O’Brien: “This is weird – it’s been reported that Halle Berry fights off cellulite by rubbing coffee grounds on her thighs. Doctors say they have no idea if it’s effective, but they’d love to watch.“Conan O’Brien: “Last night, during a debate sponsored by a gay group, Senator Hillary Clinton was criticized because of her husband’s ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy. In response, Hillary said ‘Sorry, but our entire marriage is based on me not asking and him not telling.’ “Conan O’Brien: “A group of investors announced that they plan on opening a hotel in space, and a weekend stay will cost $4 million. Not only that, it will cost you another million if you eat a Snickers from the mini-bar.“

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